


ugly

by space_goose



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Social Anxiety, self hatred, toxic morty is relatable, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 06:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12007272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_goose/pseuds/space_goose
Summary: i hate myself, and people i fucking TRUST make me feel like shit. i feel bad putting Morty through the same pain, but he's relatable.





	ugly

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes. my thumb really hurts from typing and im too tired to edit. mhm

"Man, he looks ugly," Morty's friend would comment. "Just like Morty!" It was a joke, he knew that, but the self hatred he had to deal with everyday with the anxiety just made it so much worse than it should have been.

"Can I be honest on what I thought when I first saw you?" Morty's friend asked. Morty said yes, but he was afraid. He was always afraid on what people thought of him. Being judged was a phobia, a social phobia, and he wanted to keep others people's thoughts secret. But his friend didn't give him much of a choice in the matter.

"I first saw you walk into the school grounds and I thought you looked like an asshole and you were ugly." Maybe those weren't the exact words, but they wouldn't mean anything different no matter how they were arranged.

Morty laughed it off. Commented, 'I know I'm ugly', as a joke, and walked ahead of his friend group with his hands in his pockets and his head down. He couldn't get the words out of his mind. They were stuck there, haunting him with self hatred and anxiety. Now that he knew others thought he was ugly, how could he show his face? How could he even look at people if he was ugly? No one wants to talk to ugly people, right?

It never left his mind. Everytime he tried to get rid of self hating thoughts, his friend's words would wrack around in his mind, reminding him he was a stupid piece of shit. He couldn't feel happy after these episodes, now. Memes helped, but the anxiety and sadness was always there; hidden behind a smile and a faked personality. If he was too scared of showing his true personality, then he wasn't really a real person. Just a fake, a pretender, a piece of shit. Ugly, stupid, weak, pathetic and small.

His friends loved to call him that.

Friends... Were they friends, or just people using him and pretending to like him? Probably the second option. Who would like Morty, anyway? He was small and weak. Quiet and weird. Stupid and ugly. Ugly.

He was ugly.

Ugly, ugly, ugly. He wanted to carve the word into his face with a fucking knife. He wanted to graze his face off with a grater. He wanted his face gone. He wanted to fucking die. What's the point of being alive if everyone hates you?

Useless. Idiot. Dumbass. Cunt. Fuckwit. Retard.

All said by his friends, no one else. They are just things friends to each other as a joke. Morty doesn't care usually. He calls them the same thing, but sometimes he feels that they aren't joking.

He is useless. He doesn't know how to do anything. He can't even tie a fucking balloon up. He can't remember anything. 

He's an idiot. He can't do maths, science or any other subject. He tries but he can't remember. He's too unmotivated to do anything. He just wants to lie down and fucking cry. He writes all the time, plays games, draws, but it doesn't matter how much he practises. He still fucking sucks. He can't do anything right. He's the most useless piece of fucking shit in every conceivable universe.

He's weak. He's small and too lazy to do any exercise. He feels too unmotivated to do anything. He's too anxious to go to a gym or anything, he doesn't want to be judged or watched. Yes, he can't hurt anybody, who said he wanted to?

He does want to hurt people. He wants to murder and abuse and slaughter, but he's weak, stupid and ugly. But he wants to hurt people because PEOPLE keep telling him he's WEAK, STUPID, and UGLY. 

He loves his friends, but he isn't as desensitised as he likes to makes out. Words hurt, especially when the people closest to him keep giving him a new reason to hate himself everyday.


End file.
